Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
