Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need moral support for this bender
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize