as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
