She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
