Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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