Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
