i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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