so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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