Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
