Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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