Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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