dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize