Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
