he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
