His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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