All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
