My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
