He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
