Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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