I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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