you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize