Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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