I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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