I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
