After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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