I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
