I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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