Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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