Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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