She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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