No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
