why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm always down for nudity.
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