i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
