grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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