My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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