What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize