Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
