I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
