my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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