if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
