Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we made out on top of his cat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
