Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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