He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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