I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
