Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
please don't ironically join a cult
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