Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
