You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
