Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
