Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
