My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
