If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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