I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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