My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
