Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
