the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
