i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize