I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
