Me. At least after what I've been through.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
