woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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