was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
