I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
