Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
