We're like a lot better than the average bears
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
