I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
