I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize