I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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