pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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