'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
