I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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