Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
