Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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